Don't Have To Be. Just Come Back

It's Not Over
Daughtry


I was blown away.
What could I say?
It all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything,
And I can't deal with that.
I try to see the good in life,
But good things in life are hard to find.
We'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Taken all I could take,
And I cannot wait.
We're wasting too much time
Being strong, holding on.
Can't let it bring us down.
My life with you means everything,
So I won't give up that easily.
I'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
'Cause it's all misunderstood.
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

We can't let this get away.
Let it out, let it out.
Don't get caught up in yourself.
Let it out.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Let's start over.
It's not over, yeah...
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

I miss you, like everyday

I Miss You
Beyonce

I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you...around

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same

Words don't ever seem to come up right
But I still mean them, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to, why is that?

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
I said I miss you, missing you insane

But if I got with you, could it feel the same

It don't matter who you are
It's so simple, I feel it
But it's everything no matter who you love
It is so super, I feel it
But it's everything

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same

It don't matter who you are
It's so simple, I feel it
But it's everything no matter who you love
It is so super, I feel it
But it's everything

There Must Be an Open Door

Come Back
Pearl Jam

If I keep holding out,... will the light shine through?
Under this broken roof,... it's only rain that I feel
I've been wishing out the days,... come back

I have been planning out,... all that I'd say to you
Since you slipped away,... know that I still remain true
I've been wishing out the days,...

Please say, that if you hadn't of gone now
I wouldn't have lost you another way
From wherever you are,... come back

And these days, they linger on
And in the night, as I'm waiting on
The real possibility I may meet you in my dream
I go to sleep

If I don't fall apart,.... will the memories stay clear?
So you had to go,..... and I had to remain here

But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question it any other way

There must be an open door
For you to
Come back

And the days, they linger on
And every night, what I'm waiting for
Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream

And sometimes you're there
And you're talking back to me
Come the morning I could swear you're next to me

And it's okay.

It's okay.
It's okay.

I'll be here
Come back
Come back

I'll be here
Come back
Come back

I'll be here
Come back
Come back

If I Had the Chance to Renew

Not Over You
Gavin DeGraw

Dreams, that's where I have to go
to see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation
where we both admit we had it good but
until then it's alienation, I know, that much is understood
And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what they say, I'm not over you
Not over you

Damn, damn girl you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced
So until then

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you
Not over you
Not over you
Not over you

It Haunts Me

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
Colin Hay


I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived 'til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived 'til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived 'til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

An Explanation

I created this blog originally for the purpose of documenting the songs that were feeling especially appropriate to my current mood. I imagined the songs slowly changing as time passed, as my trauma recovery progressed.
As it turns out, having your heart ripped out and your wife/best friend evaporating off the face of the earth takes significantly longer to process than one might have imagined at the beginning. I've only recently come out of the sheer shock and bewilderment or it all.

Due to circumstances beyond control, I am not allowed to contact my wife, nor her I. This is the single most agonizing mitigating factor to the whole thing. While it is difficult enough to process the loss of one's life partner, it's multiplied a thousand fold to do so with zero conversation, no interaction, no communication of any type.

It is inconceivable. There was no goodbye. No trying to work it out. No begging for another chance. No dividing of stuff. There wasn't a conversation of where we stood and an understanding of why it hadn't worked out. No chance to apologize. There was no attempt or ability to find closure. So I'm torn open and bleeding.

This was the woman I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with. I had sold out to our relationship. All of my heart and brain was devoted to this woman, her kids, my kids, and our future plans. There was no part of me "held back. " In some relationships you hold out a certain portion of yourself as protection against failure, the one that notices girls walk by at the mall, the one that keeps in touch with an ex you never really got past, the one that never mentions your marital status to the girl from the office upstairs you flirt with on the elevator. I didn't have that part of me in this relationship, I was totally, completely, fully hers. Completely and absolutely devoted. I was using my long vision, planning nursing homes, retirement, next 3 years of vacation. She was exactly where I belonged. I was her perfect match. We were each other's lobster.

The real battle I have is between my heart and my head. My brain can think about the way she left me, the negatives of our relationship, and it can calculate that I may in fact have a chance of coming out on the other side of all of this in a slightly better place.

But you can't convince my heart. My heart misses her. The years, the weeks, the days, the seconds we spent together, planning our life together. The tiniest spot on her waist that accentuated her rockin' curves. Our Redbox dates, catching up on the movies we missed in theaters. Our grocery store trips, her hurrying me along while I compared prices, while she immediately grabbed the quantity she had correctly remembered was the best bargain. My heart hurts thinking of all we shared, all our wonderful time together.

My heart and my head are in conflict and it has taken this event to make me realize... my heart controls me anywhere from 75 all the way to 100% My brain wouldn't feel so hollow and cold. My brain wouldn't physically ache while laying in bed at night. My brain wouldn't cry.



So, I guess now I am adding my own words to the blog. Feel free to comment, or to lurk.




And if you are reading this, love... I'm sorry. You are my home.





.

Let's Take It Back

Before The Worst
The Script


It’s been a while since the two of us talked 
About a week since the day that you walked 
Knowing things would never be the same 
With your empty heart and mine full of pain 


So explain to me, how it came to this 
Let’s take it back to the night we kissed 
It was Dublin city on a Friday night 
With vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night


We were sitting with our backs against the world 
Saying things that we thought but never heard 
Who would have thought it would end up like this? 


But everything we talked about is gone 
And the only chance we have of moving on 
Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong 


Before the worst 
Before we met 
Before our hearts decided it’s time to love again 
Before today 
Before too long 
Let’s try and take it back before it all went wrong 


There was a time that we’d stay up all night 
Best friends, yeah, talking til the daylight 
Took the joys alongside the pain 
With not much to lose but so much to gain 


Are you hearing me? Cuz I don’t wanna miss 
That you would drift on memory bliss 
It was Grafton street, on a rainy night 
I was down on one knee and you were mine for life 


We were thinking we would never be apart 
With your name tattooed across my heart 
Who would have thought it would end up like this? 


But everything we talked about is gone 
And the only chance we have of moving on 
Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong 


Before the worst 
Before we met 
Before our hearts decided it’s time to love again 
Before today 
Before too long 
Let’s try and take it back before it all went wrong


If these clouds don't clear 
then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it
heaven's gate is so near, come walk me through
just like we used to, just like we used to, yeaah


let's take it back before it all went wrong 


Before the worst
Before we met
Before our hearts decided it’s time to love again
Before today
Before too long

This Can't Be Right

Without You
David Guetta


I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I,
Without you, without you

Oh oh oh!
You! You! You!
Without...
You! You! You!
Without...you

Can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged
Without you, without you
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you

I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind
Without you, without you

Oh oh oh!
You! You! You!
Without...
You! You! You!
Without...you

I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
Without...you

Manic Episodes

Fix You
Coldplay


When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face 
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes 
Tears stream down your face

And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Big Hole in my world

The Man Who Can't Be Moved
The Script


Going Back to the corner
where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag
I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard,
got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl
can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money,
they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just
a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
but what else can I do?
How can I move on 
when I'm still in love with you?

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for
If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if
it rains or snows
If she changes her mind
this is the first place she will go

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
ohhh..
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
ohhh..

Maybe i'll get famous
as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to
but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cuase you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
I'm not moving, I'm not moving (x2)

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

I'm bleeding

Bleeding Love
Leona Lewis


Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough, and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen, oh

But somethin' happened for the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground, found somethin' true
And everyone's looking ‘round
Thinkin' I'm going crazy, oh

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closin'
You cut me open and I -

Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love
I keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love
Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from fallin', yeahyeah, oh

But nothin's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness, I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm goin' crazy, baby, baby

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closin'
You cut me open and I -

Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love
I keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love
Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love
You cut me open

And it's drainin' all of me
Oh, they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closin'
Oh, you cut me open and I -

Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love
I keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love
Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love (love)
Oh, you cut me open and I -

Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love
I keep bleedin', I keep, (oh, keep bleedin' love) keep bleedin' love
Keep bleedin', (I keep) keep, keep bleedin' love
Oh, you cut me open and I -

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

I don't know how

No Air
Jordin Sparks


Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

[Chris Brown]
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

[Jordin]
But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus:]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

[Chris Brown]
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

[Jordin]
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

[Both:]
So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus]

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air

[Chorus]

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air

After all the things that we've been through

Heartless
The Fray


In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so cold?
As the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You need to watch the way you talkin' to me though

I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me

And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could be so Dr. Evil?
You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know
I decided we wasn't goin' speak so
Why we up 3 a.m. on the phone?

Why does she be so mad at me for?
Homie, I don't know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go

You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

Talkin', talkin', talkin' talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you

So I got somethin' new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies

I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?