Pa-sta

I don't wanna

I feel like a toddler. Up past their nap time, who hasn't eaten well, suffering from diaper rash. 

I don't wanna.

I don't want to be at work. I don't want to go home. I don't want to sit on the couch, I don't want to lay down. I don't have anywhere to drive. There isn't any store with anything I could use. No restaurant has food I'd enjoy. No friends have invited me over, no bars are running any specials. Driving would irritate me right now, walking would piss me off. I can't nap, music sounds all weird, movies are too long, tv all sucks.

I don't wanna.

I can't stand to look at rental listings. I get nauseous thinking about opening the door to my storage unit. I have no idea where any of my coats are, other than, "In the 10x25 somewhere in a garbage bag." I don't feel like crawling through it looking. I don't want to restack the items in it so I can fit the remnants from my other tiny unit into it, reducing the bill I'll owe next week. I don't want to open the power bill I'm gonna have to pay eventually. I don't want to email that guy back. I don't want to answer this call.

I don't wanna.

Getting out of bed is a harassment. Taking a shower is weird. Getting dressed actually hurts. My hair sucks, I don't care. I don't want lunch. Dinner can fuck off. I don't want to sit at the table, I don't want a tv tray, I'm not going out, I hate dessert. Going to the bathroom is a bother, can't I wear a diaper? 

I don't wanna.

I'm not going to the store. I don't need groceries. So what I'm out of toothpaste? I don't feel like riding with you, I don't want to be here alone.

I can't close my eyes. I can't fall asleep. I can't imagine, I can't pretend.

I don't wanna.